The Dark Stars Of Disease

The dark side of illness is crushing. It is as though there is a force in which you cannot control that battles within. You get up ready to fight but the enemy is unknown.

What then?!

What happens when you have done all you can do to stand and you find yourself washed up in the tide in tangles of seaweed.

Terrorism lives in the disease that overtakes us.

When you are permitted good days in your imprisonment you try to live free as a bird, knowing that at the end of the day you will be caged yet again.

Trying to break free, being disciplined, being consistent, taking the medicines. , considering the treatment to inject your body that feels like poison.


Everyone has an opinion of the kind of life you should have what schedules and treatment options you should try. Even if I were a megamillionaire I could not buy the health that I so crave.


I am so sick of the dark side of this illness that I condemn it to hell where it came from.

It is dark right now, but we must keep the light. We must fight for life even if it hurts every single day.

God has a plan and his light is brighter!

I am not complaining,

I am just being like Job and telling the Lord my woes and hoping you will do the same.

I  know I  am not the only one suffering, so I write to you over the web…wherever you are in your night, be strong.

Be strong because every piece that God stitched you up with was made for stronger things than this world’s worst problems that could ever take you down.

One day we will die and it will not be defeat but in victory to finally meet Him.

I do not believe that our suffering is in vain or for glory, but it is just life.


God is with us even on the darkest night. Even when it hurts so bad all you can do is scream Lord, help me!

I write like this because I get it, I get you. I may not be able to visit your bedside, but I am with you in heart, whispering, ‘It is okay, God will give His beloved sweet sleep.”

I feel as though I bleed when I write these types of posts, knowing that you are suffering but I must tell you to let Jesus be your peace.

It does not matter if I am a Christian or not, this disease would still be my reality.

But my sanity is in Him. My wholeness is in Him.

I had a whole list of things to do in 2018, then bam! Life hit me with the most unexpected things in my health that make me cry in the shower, washing dishes, and tying my shoes. If I had an open canyon I would scream into it!

view of rock formation

My faith for some reason isn’t moving the mountains, for goodness sake, it barely gets me anywhere in my own home. But even then…my hope is in God.

Because I know He is able, as a child he healed me from fevers, my brother from asthma, he made my  blind father see again after a battery acid accident, he healed my brother’s broken arm and my father’s two legs removed from the cast prematurely, his faith made his legs whole, he has healed every animal that I have ever  prayed for.

He has proved faithful for a list longer than my lifetime can add up to but for some reason, I remain this way.

But unlike Job’s wife, to give up on my Lord and die. I cling to Him no matter what comes because I know He is actually the one that made the mountains that I try to move.

I know He can take away the deep sorrow and the pain. Just know that even though we cannot see the big picture on the darkest night look up into the stars and know that HE see’s you. He keeps every tear in a jar.

Keep looking up my friend, He will never leave you, just cling to Him.

Sing and rock gently singing the highest praise, Hallelujah…Hallelujah It helps my pain, it helps me sleep, it just helps.  Hallelujah Song

Amen, please know you are in my prayers.



Adapt Your Adaptations


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