Writing by candlelight and the lamplight of my computer I am challenged to type without seeing the keys. Using more candlelight was one of my ways to incorporate a way to live a bit slower. This is something new. I have longed for a change in my life, never knowing where to start until I just started.
I know that it sounds cliche but it isn’t.
Do you know how people are successful at losing weight, learning a new craft, shaving off money off of their bills et cetera? They just start and stay consistent.
Consistency is vital to your success.
I was being consistent on my weight loss journey, but it was slow and I needed something just not sure what, accountability maybe. So, I did something that pushed me over the edge of comfort’s cliff.
I shared a photo of me overweight on Instagram!!! Um, yikes!
The next morning I panicked, I called my sister and said I have to delete it! I never wanted photos of me even at Christmas. I was always the photographer not in the photo.
But sick and tired of my own self, I felt as if going public would help and so far it has!
She reassured me to stay positive. She told me there is a reason why I needed that out there. She was right, this was me punching fear in the face!
Whew. It is a tough business putting yourself out there. I am learning that growth is taking every chance I get to be the best I can.
Now, this is a disclaimer that I will not be going overboard as I still cherish my quiet life here on The Fashioned Woman but it has been a good push to let go of a little in hopes of connecting the dots to getting to my goals. Finding people that know more than me and can help along by getting a bit active online is a big help.
It has been less than a week but I feel as though sharing my story public will help others and myself. It is a win/win in my books!
How I Gained The Weight
The back story to my weight gain is that in 2010, the inflammation in my body was too high and my rheumatologist ( Lupus Specialist) recommended high dosages of prednisone ( the demon pill known as steroids).
I weighed 135 lbs and in 4 months time weighed in at 194 lbs! That is a weight gain of 59 pounds! I was tired, clammy, and it felt as if I was wearing a sumo suit.
I have tried every diet almost under the sun it seems, but exercise is crucial and being chronically ill it can be a hit and miss.
Consistently though my weight loss journey has been the snail pace speed of slow and steady.
I am currently ( 7-17-2018) weighing in at 170 lbs and ready to go back to the days before the drug-induced weight made me into a grubby eating monster.
Saying Goodbye To Comfort
My goal in sharing something so personal publicly was the fact that I needed that extra push. I am tired of hiding.
There was always a piece of me that would hide from social media posts in case someone from my high school days saw how much weight I had gained.
I blamed the drugs, I blamed myself, I blamed my broken body and it was not a healthy emotional move.
I needed new ingredients to create a different me.
The old me that hid was a coward and I am exhausted from hiding.
I am a confident person, but my weight hurts.
It does not only hurt my pride at times, but it hurts my body physically.
I feel the heaviness on my swollen legs, or when I need assistance from friends and family when I have these seizure type episodes and the arms I lean on shake from my weight.
Enough is enough.
After the mini-stroke in April, It made me realize more than ever to keep moving toward being as healthy as possible (you can read more about that struggle here on The Fashioned Woman’s Journey ).
So I took to Instagram and my goal is to lose 40lbs by Jan 31,2019!
That goal is so terrifying. Today, I started off with 2 hours bed rest and then worked out in my backyard for 32 minutes stong. Pouring sweat in the 11 am Texas heat. It felt so good and I did not have to worry about walking far from home should any symptoms occur.
I felt free. I enjoyed my yard in a new way. I saw the different greens of the grass, the new sprouts in my garden and what needed weeding. I felt the lumps of uneven lawn and where patches of weeds grew into the grass. Where the sunniest verses the shadiest parts of my yard layout (for future reference for my clothesline).
My feet felt sure and my legs burned.
I can do this my heart received the words kindly. I was flying out of the comfort of my sheets.
Adapting my own adaptation that says I must stay down.
Leaving the comfort is so freeing that I can’t even hear the negative voice, the nag called bed rest tries to scream into my ears.
So far, after admitting this weight problem worldwide, I feel stronger somehow. As if I am telling life to come at me, I am not afraid. I have got a lot more fight left in me.
Remission or not, I am a fighter and leaving my hiding place for the unknown is a feeling I am definitely going to get used to.