I sat here this past week in prayer and in tears. Frustration seeping from my pores. Is this all I have to look forward to? Pain, exhaustion, and medication? Long phone calls to doctors, receptionists, pharmacists and insurance plans. This life flight has been long and arduous and I am barely into my thirties.
I admit it, I cried with the thunderstorms that came on July 4th, America’s Independence Day. My favorite holiday and it rained. The fireworks were so late by the time the rain stopped, I only heard the pops in on my way to sweet dreams as my head lay on the pillow.
Earlier that evening, my husband had some fireworks that he popped with a friend, I watched afar as he tried lighting them. Some flew brightly while others fizzled out in the rain. Only a few folks stopped to watch his futile attempts to make it the 4th that I love so dearly.
Underneath the umbrella, I bit my lip in an effort not to cry. Don’t worry it was not about the rain, but the thoughts that danced around in my mind.
My own independence was like those fireworks. Fizzing out in the rain and ONLY sometimes being able to shine like a star.
Then again, saying that I love rain is an understatement so it was a clash of my two loves.
One not working with the other. A shameless defeat as the thunderstorm stood triumphant to man’s ineffective handiwork of sparkles.
The truth is I cry a lot, I strive for independence even more but the frustration is like lava from a boiling kettle. It seems to burn with ease into the crevices of daily life.
I don’t feel as though my success will be sunshine and glamour, instead, it will be at the stroke of midnight when true independence for my body will break through the early morning sky.
Beyond my veil of pain, I strive to create pouring out my soul onto the web that nets us all together.
I will push my life into the success and tune out the naysayers.
As long as I can feel the DESIRE to FEEL alive then the creativeness will flow.
Naysayers are trying to shatter my dreams by placing me into a box because I am ill.
This illness never asked to live in my body it just took over. I don’t need your sympathy I just want you to see the artists that we truly are.
I know you feel the beat of my heart as you read this because it is not only I that feels they have been hijacked into a collision of worlds into somewhere they did not belong.
Somewhere, life has handed us pitfalls but not only that, it also has given us paintbrushes and pencils.
Whether the tears flow unchecked or the sobs escape my throat, let the scream be to create through the bleeding.
The Answer is that THIS is NOT all there is to this life.
There is more than just picking up the shards of glass.
The Answer is THAT this is not all there is to your reality.
My creative voice is calling out to you!
I am shouting from the skyscrapers to holler out to your naysayers… SHE. CAN. DO. THIS!
Take the leap and you will see your wings are not broken!
Your dreams call into the night speaking life into your body.
Your wishes sprinkle the unconscious minds sky softly lighting your footed path
Let your soul be reawakened with a heist reminding you to never let go, there is more you just need to create it.
You can accomplish more goals. You can fight this battle.
Let the music find its way into your bones let it sing a lullaby from the dust that you were created from.
The creator is calling us to create. We all have something in which we are able to give back to the world with. It has a lot to do with what we are passionate about.
Don’t let the naysayers and your negative voice still the call to create and be more.
Do it awake, do it afraid, do it alive, and do it with passion!
Do it or give up. The choice is ours.