Are you a woman of many dreams and failed attempts? How to reroute and live the life you were meant to achieve.
Written by Melissa Marie
It was a long time ago, that fateful graduation day that I felt invincible. My whole brunette head was covered with stiff rollers as I made my way to the auditorium with my overpriced cap and gown. The night happened faster than a bullet train ride. I start with this night because it is when most young people in America are given the shoes to begin their rite of passage into adulthood. After this night of fun, I woke up thinking I would feel accomplished. I didn’t. It took many years before I would feel accomplished and ironically it usually happened at the end of yet another failed attempt at success. However, before I can give you credible help, I feel I must give some context of my own personal failures.
Here are my failures in a condensed version.
Life began to happen some good and some bad. Every distraction led me to get further away from my goals. I originally wanted to be a registered nurse in the U.S. Navy. I was denied military entry due to my having a blood disorder (Systemic Lupus). I then tried to push on through school on my own if the military would not have me. I became deathly ill from the stress of school and work and dropped out. I began to work full-time as a cash service representative at a financial institution then lived like this for about 6 years. During this time, I tried children book publishing, secret shopping, automobile sales, nannying, catering, wedding planning etc… However, nothing flourished.
I fell madly in love with Mr. G and moved to Hawaii where he was stationed as a Marine (not a failure but an important part of my story). I went back to college for pre-med ( I wanted to succeed despite my health). I have quite a bit of my undergrad schooling done but yet again, my body stressed out and I had quit. With college not being completed and feeling like a loser. I begin to spend money on business ventures. I put these ventures on a credit card because I did not have the cash. Sadly, we went into 30,0000 worth of business debt, and $3500 on side hustles ( this is capital spent, not earned). These ventures turned out to be more of a get rich venture and of course, we lost.
This perspective of feeling like a loser after my failures helped me get into debt, lowered my self-confidence and did absolutely nothing for my creativity. After hitting rock bottom I realized that yes, I have an illness but that does not mean I cannot do other things that do not make me more symptomatic.
The first plan was to dig us out of the mess that I created. Rather than to wallow in my failures. Don’t get me wrong, I am human and I did throw a pity party for a while. Which is why I advise against it. It is not conducive to creativity nor growth.
It has been about 13 years since that graduation night and I am beginning to make HUGE progress in the right direction. It has taken and will take more time, patience and perseverance but we paid off the debts, built an emergency fund and save money rather than having a lack of it. I am not telling you this story to boast. Rather I am letting you know that when your life seems out of control, hopeless, and indifferent, YOU can change your direction.
I know it seems like this is just another fluff article but I guarantee you it is not. I may not be the wealthiest person but being on the positive side of cash flow rather than in the negative brings an indescribable peace. Maybe your situation is not financial, but you can use this to recreate a map for your life to place your feet in the right direction.
I will still fail, but now I want to because it means I am growing. I cannot tell you how many journals, pieces of scrap paper and Word documents that I have created for my future dreams. These pages have been deleted, trashed and rewritten numerous times. I have salted many pages from tears of frustration. However, since changing my perspective, I am comforted to know that there will be much more to come!
In the wise words of Elon Musk,” I think it is possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary.”
First off, I applaud you for being here reading this self-help article which means you are being proactive in your personal growth. Go ahead and give yourself permission to breathe because you are now heading in the right direction. The right direction is being aware that change needs to happen. I do not know how or why you have failed at things in your life, but what I do know is that I can help bring clarity to help you dust your knees off and get back up!
"Failure is proof that you tried. Now get up and try again."- Unknown
How to reroute your life from where you are NOW.
♠ Know Where You Are and What Type of Mess You Are In. Essentially, What Do You Want to Change?
For example, ours was getting out of business and consumer loan debt. We were in a hole on our map, our goal was to dig our way above ground and work from there.
Be brutally honest with yourself. This does not give you permission to beat yourself up with thoughts about how or why you are here. This is the time to put your big girl shoes on and really be honest with yourself.
Perhaps it may be difficult to accept that you may be where you are in life because of decisions that you or possibly another person have made. But this process is not to blame yourself or someone else for your dilemma. No, it is to find your location so that you can find navigate yourself to land where you desire to be.
♣ Rewrite Your Dreams and Set a New Goal
Trust me, take a deep breath and rewrite them! I know you probably have done this countless times before. That is okay, this will not be your last either. This is the part of the success that feels nothing like an achievement but it is.
If we can see the whole picture than these would be the proverbial stepping-stones. This dream map will be the fuel you will need to keep you going. When you have the
why/ need to get up earlier, work smarter and harder, refrain from a cluttered calendar unless it is to knock these goals out. You will find that this dream map is what you will need to be your rocket fuel.
♠ Give Yourself Permission to Cry but Don’t Get Stuck.
This one is vital to your growth. I truly believe the salt from your tears will begin to be the salt of your sweat. This is the fertilizer of your dreams.
♣ Validate and Revive Yourself
Don’t wait for acceptance from others, fully accept yourself. Compliment yourself.
This one is difficult if you are used to having a negative conversation in your head. If you can learn to discipline your mind into a positive place and accept where you are and know where you are heading then You will be unstoppable.
This is not just about positive thinking. Thinking without action is just dreaming. Thinking and doing is a dreamer completing goals!
God wants you to be confident because we live in and for Him. We must be careful not to puff up our pride but the opposite is low self-esteem. Both are negative and harmful. However, if we learn to be humble and put our confidence in Christ then we can conquer anything.
I say accept yourself because others may not accept you, but God does and that is what matters most.
Romans 8:37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
I am the vine, ye [are] the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
♠ Surround Yourself with Wisdom
Listen to podcasts, radio shows ( there are smartphone apps like I heart radio for free to download), youtube channels, read books about where you want to go.
When I first started out I was desperate. I surfed the web and visited the local libraries for any type of wisdom on personal finance, goal building, couponing, paying off debt etc..
The goal is to try to immerse yourself in being a better you. There are so many free resources (minus the internet bill) that you can glean from.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5 KJV
Our goal was to bring peace into our home by getting our finances under control. So I immersed our home with bag loads of books from the library on every topic on our struggles.
I still do this except now we are eager for wisdom and not desperately trying to keep our home from falling apart. There is a peace that comes from smashing your goals and becoming a wise woman that runs her household rather than from a desperate one trying to hold the pieces together. We have to be desperate to achieve our goals and this desperation will birth an eagerness for wisdom to build our home year after year.
Getting your life in order will give you options. You will no longer have to act out of survival mode but will be able to respond in a controlled way that will enable you to process situations with clarity.
I challenge you today to take control of your life, expect failure with confidence that you are headed in the right direction! Your rite of passage in this life is that you live it the way you always wanted to. Once you change your perspective from failure is a bad thing to fail is an expected process before success. You will then allow yourself to try again without remorse.
♣ Do and Celebrate
You must take action by doing something every day that propels you forward toward your goal.
If it is losing weight, walk faster, while cooking do calve exercises etc.
If you want to write, write something every day. Learn a new word. Ponder definitions while doing housework.
If its financial and you are trying to be more frugal. Look for sales and ways that you can celebrate being under budget. I celebrated an even win. If all I had was $20 left in the budget and the groceries came 21.01 I would take an item out and celebrate the win.
By doing and celebrating you are telling your brain to grow. You are rewarding yourself for growth. You will notice a perk to your attitude and a pep to your step. No matter how small the win, CELEBRATE!
This exercise will take you from the mindset of failure to winner. We are victorious, but sometimes we need to be reminded.
1 Corinthians 15:57
57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
I encourage you to go and
try do the right thing, the right way. You can do this. You can become who God designed you to be when He knit you in your mother’s womb. Along the way, we get focused on the feeling of failure when we need to keep our eyes on Him. We pick up ideas along the way that kills the creativity and willpower to create the dreams that we have hidden deep within our character. While God waits for you to brush off the dust, declutter, and trash the thoughts and actions that have harmed your success. Be the woman who knows how to read the God-given navigations of life and travel where you will be the happiest. Travel to the center of your universe and feel the love given by our Creator who designed the intricacies of our deepest desires and fulfill them.